I sat down intending to write about the work I've been doing with high school students over the past month, but I felt that before I began I should rest and reflect have some quite time before God. So I turned on some music and turned to Psalm 126, which is not unusual, because it's pretty much my favorite passage in the Bible and God has spoken to me very powerfully through it in the past.
Psalm 126 is described as "A song for pilgrims ascending to Jerusalem"...
"When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion,
We were like men who dreamed [or men restored to health, or -- it was like a dream!]
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
Our tongues with songs of joy
Then it was said among the nations 'the LORD has done great things for them'
The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy" (vs 1-3, NIV)
I read this shortly after coming to YWAM LA and giving my life back to God. I was broken wide open by the profoundness of God's grace when I read these words. This was my story...God reminded me of this today, and I think this is what He wanted me to share about...
As I revisited this memory, I wondered to myself if I even realize the power of my own testimony. Do I still give God credit for the dramatic change He has done in my life? Do I give myself any credit for actually being a changed man? My human nature is incredibly self-critical. I will always point to a dozen of my weaknesses before I recognize any of my strengths. But I am still a living testimony of the power of God's love and redemption, and I want to carry that testimony with confidence and always give God the thanks and praise that He deserves.
I was headed for hell, but now my name is written in heaven. I was so desperately lost, but He found me. How great is my sin! How great is my shame! How undesirable I think that I should be to such a holy God! But how much greater still is His desire for me! My Father desires me more than I have ever understood. He so jealously desires to win my heart over with His unsearchably deep love, and to let nothing of this world come between He and I. How unworthy I feel! But He has placed the worth and righteousness of Jesus Christ upon me! I have accepted the salvation that comes through Christ, so when my Father looks and me, He sees that I am covered and made new by the perfect blood of of His Son. Oh if we could truly believe that, and let it become the spiritual reality of how we view ourselves....
The Father, Son and Holy Spirit come together and celebrate over me. How in love they are with me!...Their Little Prince...
It is undeniable that I was living in captivity. I was a slave to my own sin, but I have been set free. Our sinful nature is like a sickness, but He continues to heal us more day by day if we continue to faithfully follow Him and remain open and willing to say yes to all of His perfect plans and desires for us. We are pilgrims, ever getting closer to home. The Israelites viewed home as the land given to them by God, but now we see it to be much more. Home can be anywhere I find myself, as long as I am living in unity with God...as long as I am following His Holy Spirit. When we are together, I am home. And at the end of this great pilgrimage we will experience whole and complete unity with our Father. We will truly and forever be home. That will be my final release from captivity. That will be my final healing...
And what is my desire now? That the nations will look to us and see the greatness of God. Not because of our own greatness, but the greatness of His love...
"When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
'The LORD has done great things for them.'
The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy"...
This is my desire,
To be wild and free for my King
I used to run myself into ruin,
Now I will run where He calls me
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Friday, July 3, 2015
Why am I at YWAM LA?
I was recently home for a few days and I had the opportunity to meet up with a friend and catch up. I knew we would get to talking about YWAM eventually, and as I drove to meet him I asked myself; "why am I at YWAM LA?". It seems an odd question coming from someone who made a minimum 2 year staffing commitment without much of a second thought. But I wanted to remind myself...what brought me here? Why do I do what I do? What do I believe in?
What followed were some refreshing answers that I can definitely stand by, but can be all too easy to forget sometimes. So here they are...
#1: I'm here because I believe in the power of Discipleship
The entry-level course for everyone in YWAM is a Discipleship Training School (DTS) --- 3 months of teaching and training at your selected campus followed by 2 to 3 months of outreach in a foreign nation (or multiple nations). One of things that allowed God to radically change me during my DTS in Los Angeles was the nature of the community around me. It seemed like the closest thing to the early church that I had ever experienced. It was about so much more than weekly meetings. It was a faith driven, discipleship-oriented community of people living together. And we shared the same goals and values - to know God and to make Him known to others. The truth is, I needed a heck of a lot more than to attend some really good services or hear a few good teachings. I needed people who were willing to walk alongside me and push me to give my all to God and following His will and calling in my life. I knew before I even left for outreach that I wanted to come back and staff a DTS because I wanted to be a part of God's transformational process in someone else's life, the same way that people were a part of my process. It was the community behind me that pushed me to pursue God, to give Him my all, and to believe in miracles. It's a discipleship based community. That's something that I find unique about YWAM and that I think is invaluable.
So. There's a big one (and the long one). Here's one more.
#2: I know this is where God wants me to be
First of all, I know He wants me here because He lead me here; not just through His provision and direction, but through the desire He placed in my heart to be here. I know that's from Him. But beyond that, I have some other suspicions as to why He might want me here.
This is a place where God wants to develop my character...
Living in a community like this can be an incubator for character development, if you take advantage of it. There's so much wisdom and support available around here, and people and experiences that can mentor you. And the roles I've held on staff themselves have been stretching. After going through a leadership school and staffing one, one thing I'm being taught continually is the value of servant leadership. People tend to think of leaders as Type-A personalities, great public speakers, and people who command respect through their confidence and superior knowledge. That can be a great leader, but that's not the only type of leader. Far too often I've lacked confidence because I didn't feel like the aforementioned brand of leader. I didn't have all the answers, and that shook my confidence. But I've felt God challenging me to focus on servanthood. I have a tendency towards perfectionism and self-criticism...that type of false humility that in itself is a form of pride, because it is totally self-focused rather than Christ-focused. But my challenge is to focus on Jesus and to emulate Him. He loved. He served. Those things I can do. Not perfectly, but God's grace has a wonderful way of filling in the cracks of our imperfections when we serve Him and others the best way we know how to.
I had a couple other thoughts I was going to share, but I'll leave it at this for now.
Discipleship is a vital part of Christian life. We're here to lift each other up and to encourage one another to press on towards the goal; to keep on serving our savior, till our days here are done. And we're called to serve one another, as well as non-believers and the world around us. We should be known by our love and humility, just as Christ was.
These are things that I value and aspire to, and that's why I'm here.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you'd like to receive my email updates, or find out about how you can become a prayer partner or financial supporter, please contact me at trevorywam@gmail.com
What followed were some refreshing answers that I can definitely stand by, but can be all too easy to forget sometimes. So here they are...
#1: I'm here because I believe in the power of Discipleship
The entry-level course for everyone in YWAM is a Discipleship Training School (DTS) --- 3 months of teaching and training at your selected campus followed by 2 to 3 months of outreach in a foreign nation (or multiple nations). One of things that allowed God to radically change me during my DTS in Los Angeles was the nature of the community around me. It seemed like the closest thing to the early church that I had ever experienced. It was about so much more than weekly meetings. It was a faith driven, discipleship-oriented community of people living together. And we shared the same goals and values - to know God and to make Him known to others. The truth is, I needed a heck of a lot more than to attend some really good services or hear a few good teachings. I needed people who were willing to walk alongside me and push me to give my all to God and following His will and calling in my life. I knew before I even left for outreach that I wanted to come back and staff a DTS because I wanted to be a part of God's transformational process in someone else's life, the same way that people were a part of my process. It was the community behind me that pushed me to pursue God, to give Him my all, and to believe in miracles. It's a discipleship based community. That's something that I find unique about YWAM and that I think is invaluable.
So. There's a big one (and the long one). Here's one more.
#2: I know this is where God wants me to be
First of all, I know He wants me here because He lead me here; not just through His provision and direction, but through the desire He placed in my heart to be here. I know that's from Him. But beyond that, I have some other suspicions as to why He might want me here.
This is a place where God wants to develop my character...
Living in a community like this can be an incubator for character development, if you take advantage of it. There's so much wisdom and support available around here, and people and experiences that can mentor you. And the roles I've held on staff themselves have been stretching. After going through a leadership school and staffing one, one thing I'm being taught continually is the value of servant leadership. People tend to think of leaders as Type-A personalities, great public speakers, and people who command respect through their confidence and superior knowledge. That can be a great leader, but that's not the only type of leader. Far too often I've lacked confidence because I didn't feel like the aforementioned brand of leader. I didn't have all the answers, and that shook my confidence. But I've felt God challenging me to focus on servanthood. I have a tendency towards perfectionism and self-criticism...that type of false humility that in itself is a form of pride, because it is totally self-focused rather than Christ-focused. But my challenge is to focus on Jesus and to emulate Him. He loved. He served. Those things I can do. Not perfectly, but God's grace has a wonderful way of filling in the cracks of our imperfections when we serve Him and others the best way we know how to.
I had a couple other thoughts I was going to share, but I'll leave it at this for now.
Discipleship is a vital part of Christian life. We're here to lift each other up and to encourage one another to press on towards the goal; to keep on serving our savior, till our days here are done. And we're called to serve one another, as well as non-believers and the world around us. We should be known by our love and humility, just as Christ was.
These are things that I value and aspire to, and that's why I'm here.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you'd like to receive my email updates, or find out about how you can become a prayer partner or financial supporter, please contact me at trevorywam@gmail.com
A year ago today...
A year ago today I began the Spiritual Leadership and Ministry
Training school at YWAM Kona/University of the Nations. Those were six
of the most incredible weeks of my life (and not just because I was in
Hawaii). It was a real struggle returning home after my DTS and outreach
to the Philippines and Thailand. There were times when I seriously
doubted if I was ever going to return to YWAM Los Angeles and staff a
DTS, which is what I felt God was directing me to do. But as He seems to do time and time again, He showed me that His grace is sufficient, above and beyond what I could ever desire.
It was there in Kona that I was invited to come staff the Fall 2014 DTS at YWAM LA, which was an amazing experience that allowed me to co-lead a team to Costa Rica and Panama, and make some incredible friends along the way.
And now, here I am in LA. Still serving and pursuing what God has for me, and living in a community of some amazing people that I look up to and am happy to work alongside.
To everyone who has been a part of my journey through your thoughts, prayers, emotional and financial support, and most of all your friendship - THANK YOU. I cannot thank you enough. I am a lucky, lucky guy. And I hope that every blessing from God in my life extends to you as well.
It was there in Kona that I was invited to come staff the Fall 2014 DTS at YWAM LA, which was an amazing experience that allowed me to co-lead a team to Costa Rica and Panama, and make some incredible friends along the way.
And now, here I am in LA. Still serving and pursuing what God has for me, and living in a community of some amazing people that I look up to and am happy to work alongside.
To everyone who has been a part of my journey through your thoughts, prayers, emotional and financial support, and most of all your friendship - THANK YOU. I cannot thank you enough. I am a lucky, lucky guy. And I hope that every blessing from God in my life extends to you as well.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Bringing the Heart of Missions to High Schoolers
Last fall we had a time of base-wide prayer where it became very apparent that God was resurrecting Missions Adventures at YWAM LA. During that meeting I felt an incredible passion for MA. I knew that God was impressing it upon my heart to be involved, so I raised my hand to be a part of the team that was gonna bring this adventure back. I had no idea how I was going to be involved, just that I was to be involved...
Shortly after returning from leading a team to Costa Rica and Panama, and as I was beginning to transition into staffing our current leadership school, I was asked to take on the main responsibility for coordinating MA and getting it ready to blast off when our teams arrive in July. Man was I surprised! I knew it would be a challenge, but it felt right to rise to the occasion and say yes. It's already been an awesome experience of growth and learning. I'm looking forward to all of the action that July will bring!
In the past we've always sent our MA teams on outreach to Mexico, but this year we felt called to do outreach right here in LA. I'm super excited to see us become more involved in ministering to our city. That's a big part of my heart and hope for YWAM LA.
So here I am! - coordinating and preparing the outreach activities for our incoming teams. I know that this season will have a huge impact not only on our community, but on the individual lives of the students who are going to come through. Many people who have been introduced to missions in high school through MA have returned to YWAM to do our six month Discipleship Training School, and many more still have been called into full-time missions. Whatever the case may be, I know that God is in this and that He's going to do incredible things.
You can get a little glimpse into the heart of Mission Adventures by watching the video below. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers and for reading along!
Monday, May 4, 2015
A Prayer Room, a Piano and a Prince
Have you read my last post? If not, I would highly recommend it, because it provides the context for what I'm going to be sharing in this post. And you'll also notice some remarkable similarities between the way that God spoke to me on that occasion and in this one. But I'll give a brief intro...
A few weeks ago while trainers from Restoring The Foundations were here at YWAM LA I had the opportunity to go through three sessions of ministry for what they call Soul/Spirit Hurts. The ministry is a prayer process where you ask God to lead you back to a hurtful memory and allow Him to bring healing.
I closed my eyes and prayed for God to take me back to wherever He wanted to take me. After a few moments, I saw myself inside of the prayer chapel at the YWAM LA campus. I was 21 and it was during my Discipleship Training School. I was surprised to find God leading me here because this was actually a really good memory. I had just been reading in 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 and God was speaking deeply to me about the hurts and mistakes of my past. Despite all of my rebellion and brokenness, He had never stopped loving me. He had redeemed me back into right relationship with Him. It was an awesome time of encountering God's love. Pretty good memory, right? What else did God wanna show me?
Well, I asked Jesus to come into the memory...
I was in a small side room in the prayer chapel that had an old stand up piano inside. I walked in and there He was, peaceful and beautiful, playing away on the piano. "I've been waiting for you". For years He'd been waiting, playing His song for me. He wrote down a piece of sheet music and slipped it into the back of a Bible, telling me that I was a part of His story. There was a cushion in the middle of the floor where I had been praying, and I saw heavenly, golden light shining on it. "I've prepared a place for you". There was a silver bowl in front of me that caught all of my tears as I knelt down and prayed. Jesus took the bowl, poured it out onto the piano keys and continued to play. This might sound familiar to what He did in my last memory. He took my pain and redeemed it into something beautiful. It was just another part of His love song for me.
Then I asked Him to take me to the Father...
The top of the piano opened up and there was radiant, golden light shining out from within. The Father had been there all along. Jesus said to me, "the Father is the song. I just sing the song". That's a fun one to ponder. It was quite the mind-blow.
Jesus had come. The Father had come. It was time to revisit the original memory and see how it had changed.
When I walked back into the room everyone was there. The Father, the Spirit and the Son. They were singing, "We love you, and We'll never stop. All this is for you..." (from the song When You Walk Into the Room by Bryan and Katie Torwalt). I was there on my knees, so joyful, swaying back and forth to the music. They placed a crown of flowers of my head and called me Little Prince. It sounds a little silly to retell it, but it was awesome. They gave me my identity. I am a son of God. I'm a member of a Royal family. I am so loved. I am secure.
I went up to the piano like a little kid and asked Jesus if I could play too. He said yes of course. And now we get to make music together.
I can't say enough about the intensity, the strength, the beauty, and the faithfulness of God's love. We are as His children and His heart burns to share that love with us. I hope that you find yourself in a place where you can trust and receive His love, and receive continual revelation about just how profoundly deep that love goes.
A few weeks ago while trainers from Restoring The Foundations were here at YWAM LA I had the opportunity to go through three sessions of ministry for what they call Soul/Spirit Hurts. The ministry is a prayer process where you ask God to lead you back to a hurtful memory and allow Him to bring healing.
I closed my eyes and prayed for God to take me back to wherever He wanted to take me. After a few moments, I saw myself inside of the prayer chapel at the YWAM LA campus. I was 21 and it was during my Discipleship Training School. I was surprised to find God leading me here because this was actually a really good memory. I had just been reading in 2 Corinthians 1:8-10 and God was speaking deeply to me about the hurts and mistakes of my past. Despite all of my rebellion and brokenness, He had never stopped loving me. He had redeemed me back into right relationship with Him. It was an awesome time of encountering God's love. Pretty good memory, right? What else did God wanna show me?
Well, I asked Jesus to come into the memory...
I was in a small side room in the prayer chapel that had an old stand up piano inside. I walked in and there He was, peaceful and beautiful, playing away on the piano. "I've been waiting for you". For years He'd been waiting, playing His song for me. He wrote down a piece of sheet music and slipped it into the back of a Bible, telling me that I was a part of His story. There was a cushion in the middle of the floor where I had been praying, and I saw heavenly, golden light shining on it. "I've prepared a place for you". There was a silver bowl in front of me that caught all of my tears as I knelt down and prayed. Jesus took the bowl, poured it out onto the piano keys and continued to play. This might sound familiar to what He did in my last memory. He took my pain and redeemed it into something beautiful. It was just another part of His love song for me.
Then I asked Him to take me to the Father...
The top of the piano opened up and there was radiant, golden light shining out from within. The Father had been there all along. Jesus said to me, "the Father is the song. I just sing the song". That's a fun one to ponder. It was quite the mind-blow.
Jesus had come. The Father had come. It was time to revisit the original memory and see how it had changed.
When I walked back into the room everyone was there. The Father, the Spirit and the Son. They were singing, "We love you, and We'll never stop. All this is for you..." (from the song When You Walk Into the Room by Bryan and Katie Torwalt). I was there on my knees, so joyful, swaying back and forth to the music. They placed a crown of flowers of my head and called me Little Prince. It sounds a little silly to retell it, but it was awesome. They gave me my identity. I am a son of God. I'm a member of a Royal family. I am so loved. I am secure.
I went up to the piano like a little kid and asked Jesus if I could play too. He said yes of course. And now we get to make music together.
I can't say enough about the intensity, the strength, the beauty, and the faithfulness of God's love. We are as His children and His heart burns to share that love with us. I hope that you find yourself in a place where you can trust and receive His love, and receive continual revelation about just how profoundly deep that love goes.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
An Orphan, a Savior and a Violin
Something amazing happened to me. I took a stroll through my past, and Jesus showed me incredible things. I want to tell you about it.
For the past week at YWAM LA we've had a ministry group called Restoring The Foundations (RTF) training and teaching students and staff at the base. RTF is a prayer ministry where people receive inner healing based on four primary problem areas; Generational Sins, Ungodly Beliefs, Soul/Spirit Hurts and Demonic Oppression. That might sound a little spooky and religious and weird, but all I can do is tell you what I genuinely experienced.
The ministry for addressing past Soul/Spirit Hurts is incredibly powerful. Someone leads you through a prayer process where you ask God to bring you back to a painful memory where He wants to minister. You tell Jesus all of the negative things that you're feeling and ask Him to heal your pains. Then you ask Jesus to take you to Father God, and then you revisit the original memory and see how drastically different it becomes once God has brought healing.
I know this sounds a little crazy. I've grown up in church my entire life and I had no context for something like this. My first reaction was, 'Christian Hypnotism'. But it's not. There's no manipulation. It isn't about the person guiding you through the ministry process at all. It's about seeking God and asking Him to bring healing.
So here's what happened...
I closed my eyes and asked God to bring me back to a painful memory where He wants to bring healing. It was quite a faith-stretcher to ask Him such an open-ended question. I had no idea where this was going. But within moments, He brought me back.
I was 18 years old, back in my bedroom, smoking pot. I need to give a little bit of context. Right before I turned 18 I developed bi-polar disorder, and right after I graduated high school I became very rebellious. I abandoned my relationship with God and got wrapped up in drugs and partying. This cycle of depression and rebellion continued for 3 years and only ended when I came to YWAM LA to do my DTS. Long story short.
So back to my room...
There I am, smoking and listening to music. Up late, all alone. I felt good. It felt good to be doing what I wanted to do. But at the same time it felt a little wrong. I felt lonely. Why do I have to be alone and acting in secret to be having fun and trying to feel free? I felt rebellious. Then I asked Jesus to come into my memory...
There He was in the middle of the room, sitting on a chair and playing violin. He was so peaceful and so loving. So content. Just playing His beautiful song. It felt great to have Him there. I could feel Him ministering to me through the music. So then I decided to give all my negative emotions and hurtful feelings to Him. Without a second thought He took my pains and placed them on the violin strings, and they were effortlessly absorbed into the song. He took all my pain and made something beautiful out of it. It was all part of His song.
Then I asked Him to take me to the Father...
Suddenly we were outside of my bedroom window on the roof, staring up at the moon. This was significant. Growing up, I used to always lay on a hill across from my house and peer up at the moon. As a kid, that's how I felt connected to God. Just me and Him. So Jesus took me back to that feeling, and He made it better than ever. It wasn't just me staring up into the universe dreaming of God. The Son of God Himself was right there beside me, and we admired the beauty of the Father together.
Then I went back to visit the orignal memory and see how it had changed...
Jesus was there, still peacefully playing the violin. I was at the window staring out at the moon. But something was still wrong. My back was turned to Jesus. We weren't connecting. That's when God told me that I had an Orphan Spirit. The Orphan Spirit is something that I've heard taught about many times before, but it's never been anything that I would suspect myself of struggling with. I have two amazing and loving parents. I'm not an orphan. But that's what God said. I realized then that I've spent most of my life feeling alone. Even when I was in seasons of having a good relationship with God, there were parts of myself that weren't fully open to Him, and long stretches of road that I chose to walk alone. But I've never ever been alone. God has always, always been there. Jesus had always had my back. Jesus had always been by my side. So He decided to show me just how strong and personal His love was for me.
He handed me a violin...
I was overcome with joy. I laughed and laughed. My mind was blown. The person guiding me through the ministry asked me what was going on, but I couldn't answer for a long time. I just laughed and laughed. Jesus couldn't have made a more powerful statement of His love towards me. He was inviting me into His song. But it wasn't a matter of His song and my song anymore. It was our song. I was forgiven. I was healed. I was loved, and nothing on Heaven or on Earth could undo that love. My back wasn't turned anymore. We were together. We were playing our love song.
Now I can go back to that memory, and I can't focus on the pain. I can think of that entire dark season of my life, and I see something new. I see all of my brokenness and shame taken into the hands of Jesus and weaved into our song. And it's a really good song. It's a love song.
This is a true story. God is crazy, and His love for us is crazy. He is my Healer, and He can be yours as well. He's dying to show you how much He loves you...
For the past week at YWAM LA we've had a ministry group called Restoring The Foundations (RTF) training and teaching students and staff at the base. RTF is a prayer ministry where people receive inner healing based on four primary problem areas; Generational Sins, Ungodly Beliefs, Soul/Spirit Hurts and Demonic Oppression. That might sound a little spooky and religious and weird, but all I can do is tell you what I genuinely experienced.
The ministry for addressing past Soul/Spirit Hurts is incredibly powerful. Someone leads you through a prayer process where you ask God to bring you back to a painful memory where He wants to minister. You tell Jesus all of the negative things that you're feeling and ask Him to heal your pains. Then you ask Jesus to take you to Father God, and then you revisit the original memory and see how drastically different it becomes once God has brought healing.
I know this sounds a little crazy. I've grown up in church my entire life and I had no context for something like this. My first reaction was, 'Christian Hypnotism'. But it's not. There's no manipulation. It isn't about the person guiding you through the ministry process at all. It's about seeking God and asking Him to bring healing.
So here's what happened...
I closed my eyes and asked God to bring me back to a painful memory where He wants to bring healing. It was quite a faith-stretcher to ask Him such an open-ended question. I had no idea where this was going. But within moments, He brought me back.
I was 18 years old, back in my bedroom, smoking pot. I need to give a little bit of context. Right before I turned 18 I developed bi-polar disorder, and right after I graduated high school I became very rebellious. I abandoned my relationship with God and got wrapped up in drugs and partying. This cycle of depression and rebellion continued for 3 years and only ended when I came to YWAM LA to do my DTS. Long story short.
So back to my room...
There I am, smoking and listening to music. Up late, all alone. I felt good. It felt good to be doing what I wanted to do. But at the same time it felt a little wrong. I felt lonely. Why do I have to be alone and acting in secret to be having fun and trying to feel free? I felt rebellious. Then I asked Jesus to come into my memory...
There He was in the middle of the room, sitting on a chair and playing violin. He was so peaceful and so loving. So content. Just playing His beautiful song. It felt great to have Him there. I could feel Him ministering to me through the music. So then I decided to give all my negative emotions and hurtful feelings to Him. Without a second thought He took my pains and placed them on the violin strings, and they were effortlessly absorbed into the song. He took all my pain and made something beautiful out of it. It was all part of His song.
Then I asked Him to take me to the Father...
Suddenly we were outside of my bedroom window on the roof, staring up at the moon. This was significant. Growing up, I used to always lay on a hill across from my house and peer up at the moon. As a kid, that's how I felt connected to God. Just me and Him. So Jesus took me back to that feeling, and He made it better than ever. It wasn't just me staring up into the universe dreaming of God. The Son of God Himself was right there beside me, and we admired the beauty of the Father together.
Then I went back to visit the orignal memory and see how it had changed...
Jesus was there, still peacefully playing the violin. I was at the window staring out at the moon. But something was still wrong. My back was turned to Jesus. We weren't connecting. That's when God told me that I had an Orphan Spirit. The Orphan Spirit is something that I've heard taught about many times before, but it's never been anything that I would suspect myself of struggling with. I have two amazing and loving parents. I'm not an orphan. But that's what God said. I realized then that I've spent most of my life feeling alone. Even when I was in seasons of having a good relationship with God, there were parts of myself that weren't fully open to Him, and long stretches of road that I chose to walk alone. But I've never ever been alone. God has always, always been there. Jesus had always had my back. Jesus had always been by my side. So He decided to show me just how strong and personal His love was for me.
He handed me a violin...
I was overcome with joy. I laughed and laughed. My mind was blown. The person guiding me through the ministry asked me what was going on, but I couldn't answer for a long time. I just laughed and laughed. Jesus couldn't have made a more powerful statement of His love towards me. He was inviting me into His song. But it wasn't a matter of His song and my song anymore. It was our song. I was forgiven. I was healed. I was loved, and nothing on Heaven or on Earth could undo that love. My back wasn't turned anymore. We were together. We were playing our love song.
Now I can go back to that memory, and I can't focus on the pain. I can think of that entire dark season of my life, and I see something new. I see all of my brokenness and shame taken into the hands of Jesus and weaved into our song. And it's a really good song. It's a love song.
This is a true story. God is crazy, and His love for us is crazy. He is my Healer, and He can be yours as well. He's dying to show you how much He loves you...
Monday, February 23, 2015
The God Who Speaks (San Jose, Costa Rica)
After our time working with Homes of Hope in San Jose, we had the opportunity to participate in a local church service for a church that was having a week long emphasis on missions. On the first evening we attended, our team performed their drama, and students shared teachings and testimonies. At the end of the service, we were called to the front to pray for those who would like prayer and the congregation was invited to come forth. Most of our team was quickly approached and began praying for people, but I stood at the front for a while without activity. Shortly after, one the of men from the YWAM San Jose staff encouraged me that we could go out into the congregation and ask people if they would like to receive prayer. So with Emma and our trusty translator Ruth, I set out. We saw a middle aged couple sitting towards the back that seemed highlighted, so we approached them and asked if they would like prayer for anything. As is usually the case with the very friendly and warm-culture Costa Rican's, they accepted our offer. Emma and I prayed in English, and Ruth finished us off praying in Spanish, but while we were praying I had the very distinct impression that I should pray for theirs kids, and specifically that there was some sort of separation with God taking place. So I had Ruth translate what I was feeling, and they confirmed that this was indeed going on. I was able to encourage them that I felt God was saying He saw what was going on, and He was actively pursuing their heart. They seemed very touched to know that God would use some random guy like me just to come and encourage them. At the end of the service the mother came and thanked me again and shared some more of what was going on with their family and their son. It turns out they they were pastors in this church, and that their son had not been coming for months...
The next evening we returned to the same church for another service. I wasn't active in any ministry this time, but I did notice the father from the previous evening and we greeted each other. At the end of the service, he came up to me and introduced me to a young man that I had noticed across from me throughout the night. The father did not speak much English, but he told me that this was his son that I had prayed for, and with that he departed and left the two of us together. His son did speak English, and began by saying that his father had told him that I had received a word for him in prayer. Talk about awkward. Here I stood before a man that had only existed in my mind theoretically the night before, now I had met him and had to skip straight into the business of sharing prophecy. No pressure. But alas, I told him what I had felt, and he received it well. He shared his story with me, how he had grown up in this church and was very active on the worship team, but some type of dramatic event had taken place in his family, and now he no longer felt comfortable being around the church congregation. On top of this, most of his co-workers were not Christian and were not encouraging him in his faith. He said that he had only come to church that night on a whim, at his sisters suggestion. And tonight of all nights, here I was to meet him. It was awesome to be able to listen to him share his heart, to encourage him, and to pray with him. And when he comes to mind, I continue to pray for him and his family.
(Video includes me sharing about this story + other stories from San Jose)
"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help..." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a
The circumstances of those two nights blew my mind and brought me so much joy. It brought deeper affirmation to my heart that if we can be a people who prays, our God is a God who speaks. And you just never know what might happen when you share what He speaks to you.
The next evening we returned to the same church for another service. I wasn't active in any ministry this time, but I did notice the father from the previous evening and we greeted each other. At the end of the service, he came up to me and introduced me to a young man that I had noticed across from me throughout the night. The father did not speak much English, but he told me that this was his son that I had prayed for, and with that he departed and left the two of us together. His son did speak English, and began by saying that his father had told him that I had received a word for him in prayer. Talk about awkward. Here I stood before a man that had only existed in my mind theoretically the night before, now I had met him and had to skip straight into the business of sharing prophecy. No pressure. But alas, I told him what I had felt, and he received it well. He shared his story with me, how he had grown up in this church and was very active on the worship team, but some type of dramatic event had taken place in his family, and now he no longer felt comfortable being around the church congregation. On top of this, most of his co-workers were not Christian and were not encouraging him in his faith. He said that he had only come to church that night on a whim, at his sisters suggestion. And tonight of all nights, here I was to meet him. It was awesome to be able to listen to him share his heart, to encourage him, and to pray with him. And when he comes to mind, I continue to pray for him and his family.
(Video includes me sharing about this story + other stories from San Jose)
"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help..." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a
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