Truly Believing: I Am Not Alone

A few months ago I felt God probe my mind with a question: do I long for intimacy? Do I desire emotional and physical intimacy? To have a lover? The answer is yes. I think that would be the natural answer for most of us. Then the question turned in a different direction; Is Jesus the lover of my soul as much as He could be? I thought of past relationships and thoughts, feelings and characteristics from intimate relationship...

Wanting to hold someones hand when you walk around. Being proud to be seen with them. Going places together. Giving gifts. Wanting to make them happy.  Freely spending money on them. Loving to be held. Communicating. Not wanting to go a day without saying something to each other. Saying goodnight. Making plans to go on adventures together.  Asking questions and getting to know each other more deeply. Talking about the future...

I thought of a time in my life when I was particularly lost. I wrote a love song about a girl and I was sitting alone in my house singing. In that moment, my longing for intimacy and fulfillment was all directed onto someone else. I thought to myself, where was Jesus then? He responded, "I was sitting there washing your feet". But why? I couldn't even see Him there. I didn't acknowledge Him or cry out to Him. He replied..."this is my humblest form of love; to love you when your heart is far from me. To love you when it hurts. Still, I will love you. I can't stop loving you."

So why do I so often avoid God's love and His presence? Why do I avoid being alone and still, when that is the perfect place to have intimate time with Him? The answer came to me in the form of three words I had heard from God before...the orphan spirit [see previous post 'An Orphan, a Savior and a Violin']. He said to me, "you've spent so long feeling alone, it's still hard for you to believe that you're not. You run to distractions to make yourself feel okay...a form of control to make being alone seem okay.

Every morning, wake up and rebuke that orphan spirit. Speak these words of life over yourself - I Am Not Alone! And the truth will breed life. Step into each day declaring this truth and you will find it easier to walk closely with me. We will grow in our intimacy".

Jesus, You will be my lover.
You will have every part of my heart.

I am not alone!